In every fear I've ever had...

It’s interesting how my greatest fears have changed over time.

Here’s a quick history:

The Poison Arrow Tree Frog
When I was a child, I watched a documentary about a frog from the Amazon that was so poisonous that it would kill you upon contact.
Ironically, I grew up in Australia where there were plenty of other wildlife that were more immediate dangers, but instead, I would lie in bed, wide-eyed and dreading a poison arrow tree frog entering the living room.

The Empty House
A new fear entered my life: I would come home and everyone wold be gone. I was old enough to know it was irrational but I knew it was my greatest fear.

I can only describe this as fear.
Whenever this concept entered my consciousness, I became so thrown by my inability to comprehend it that I would freeze in a sense of doom and panic.

And on it went
I was afraid that he would leave.
I was afraid of feeling my feelings.
I was afraid of looking at my money, of choosing a career, of being bad at things, of being incorrect.

And now
I think I’m most afraid of doing things that don’t matter and having nothing to show for it.

I can see one similarity really clearly:

I’m afraid of what I don’t know and what I can’t control.

The beauty of it is that there will always be unknowns and things outside of my control.

Knowing that, my fear is just a factor, an experience, a feeling. It’s not necessarily a call for more control or more knowledge.

The bad news is I’m falling.
The good news is there’s no ground.

Photo Credit: Sammy Chafin @Unsplash